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| 16th Sept 2011 - Lucky last Bump pic!! Two days before giving birth. |
The Birth Plan -
Natural Active Drug Free Water Birth.
Birthing in a water pool with no drugs except for Homeopathic Remedies,
Music, Water, Massage, Breathing Techniques and a Calming Environment.
Simon and my Mum present at the birth.
No Assigned Midwife - Shared Care between GP and Papakura Maternity Unit.
- Now I had this pretty picture painted in my head right, and I personally believe it was the bestest thing I ever did was to create this image and to block out all negative comments, and those stories people like to tell you about sleepless nights and what a long drawn out labour they had and all the other glory details of their very horrific labour, the pain, the drugs, etc etc. I said to myself thats your story and it doesnt mean my labour and birth is going to be like that. I think the worse thing anyone can do for a first time mother when she is close to giving birth is to inflict fear into their mind about giving birth. I must admit I did watch the full video of a friend giving birth and it really scared the crap out of me, BUT I also put into place ALOT of things I DID NOT want happening at my birth after watching it. These were to be that NO ONE was to tell me to push at all, except for the lead midwife telling me when I could start pushing and what type of push to do. I also didnt want it to be filmed or any photos to be taken to an excessive degree. To date since giving birth I have not done such a thing to all my friends who have given birth after I had my daughter, I answered their questions and did the best I could to not scare them but to keep it happy and positive. And I hope if your reading this your not freaked out and scared by it all, instead do what I did with remaining positive and taking each birth story/video with a grain of salt and not taking on fear and you will find you will go into things a bit more happy and healthy minded (and if you read through previous blog posts, I didnt always have the happy healthy pregnancy the whole way through) and to trust yourself and your body, plus your birthing partner. Here is my birth story. :o)
The Last Day of Pregnancy -
It was Saturday the 17th of September, I was 8 days over due and fed up with it all by this stage and getting tired and sore. I had really bad Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) which was causing me alot of discomfort and pain when ever I moved. I spent the day in bed mostly sleeping on and off, infact I didnt get out of my PJs until near to 2pm. It was a strange and odd day. I watched a bit of Wiggles on TV followed by a touch of Stars In Their Eyes. Some guy was singing a song that I can no longer recall the words too but I can hear the tune and the singer's last name he was posing as is Bell. Ohhh the Irony..!! It was raining all day, and I didnt go out anywhere. I just stayed home, depressed and not myself.
Towards the evening, I started an argument with Simon, it was really silly and completely hormone driven. I just wanted our daughter out NOW..!! Come midnight before I settled in for the night, I planted some crops on my Cityville on Facebook. It was a great risk,
but I said to myself naaah she wont be coming, I can harvest these in
the morning no sweat!
At 12.46am I told Simon that my pelvis was hurting again, as well as my back and tummy, I also told him that weight lost was a sign of labour (I had been reading up on labour from our notes we got in June/July from Antenatal Classes, I seriously didnt know if I would know what labour was, how I will I know if its the real thing, that that is it, a real true contraction and not just the normal pains and ligaments stretching that comes with pregnancy.) - I said to him that I had been 109kgs on Friday 16th, 107kgs that morning and then I was 105kgs right then and there. I was just testing out this so called sign of labour theory for a joke...He told me that he really didnt know that birth was going to happen. For the next hour I just got angry and stroppy with him telling him I wanted her out and saying how much I wasnt enjoying it anymore, the discomfort in my pelvis and all. (Seriously SPD is NOT nice at all, its like breaking glass in your pelvis and almost debilitating that pain.). By 1.30am I was telling him how I had reflux and a really sore tummy. Its a bit like period pains or the needing to poo or throw up tummy pain.
The Start of Labour -
He told me it was sleep time for me, I told him I thought I was having contractions. He said to me really? Right now?? How do you know? I told him how the pain reached into my back and I couldnt move. He asked if it was more than the normal pain. I said to him it was more sharp and renching that the dull ache I had from the weight of our daughter. He commented about how my waters had not broken. Rather cute and how utterly wrong it is when your told in Antenatal that is usually the first to go sort of thing I guess. It is rather amazing how you hold out for your waters to break to know that your in labour over contractions. And as we will discover this wasnt the case for me, and its not like they show you in the movies!
By 1.53am I had texted him (this was how we were communicating btw) that for every 10mins since 1am I had contractions going through my back. He told me to wait and see if it develops, but I think he slightly was concerned when I said every 10mins. By this stage I started to get a migrain headache. There was about a 15min break without anything, I had not by this stage woken my mum....I wanted her to get some sleep, and come 2.33am for the past half hour they started to become 5mins apart. This was when Simon went all silent on me and I started to feel alone. My worse fear of going into labour in the middle of the night and him being asleep was starting to become a reality. I just wanted him there with me. By 2.45am my bloody show had come through and my contractions were starting to get more intense in pain. And hour later, still on my own with mum asleep, Simon was out to it, not replying to me - it just so happened to be a night where he took one of his sleeping tablets too!! I had at this stage gone into the lounge, sat down at the computer and looked at it and told myself no I am NOT going to fire the computer up and put anything on Facebook...I have for so long told myself I would not do such a thing, I wouldnt be one of woman who is in the middle of labour and sitting either on Facebook updating my status or on the Trade Me Message Board or other forum giving all the updated to the minute details like I was giving a live news report to the BBC! Instead I was calm and took a pen and a pad of paper and started to write down everything. This was just incase it was a false alarm, and i had it there to report to the hospital later. I then hopped on my swiss ball on all fours using it to support my belly and rocked back and forth to help with the contractions. Eventually I moved back to my room into bed where I piled all my pillows up and laid on top of them on my tummy on my hands and knees with them all supporting my belly and rocked back and forth as the contractions came on.
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| My record of contractions.... |
By 4am, my mum had woken up to go to the loo and I took this as my cue to actually make a bit of a moaning sound lol. I didnt want to look weak, I wanted to be the big brave girl...after all I was 25yrs old, not a teenager or anything. And cue Simon waking up again with a text along the lines of "Oh you are lucky, what is happening now?" He was drifting in and out of sleep bless him, I was hating it and just wanting him to be there with me. My mum rang through to Papakura Maternity Unit and told them what I had written down and I was put on the phone too them (I didnt really want to talk to them, I just wanted Simon there. I wanted him to get out of bed and in the car and to come over.) - I just so happened to have a big contraction while on the phone, and the on call midwife told me to have a shower, and that I could either come into the hospital or stay home until I couldnt cope. To ring them when I was coming in so they could start filling the pool up.
Simon by this stage again asking me what was happening, and proceeded to tell me he was too tired to drive over to me, made a point about how it was 10 past 4 in the morning. I made a point about how he would miss his daughters birth. And all my fears were coming to light. He asked me when i was going to go down to the birthing unit, and I told him in a couple of hours and that he was to wake his mum up. I wanted nothing more than to have his mum there too - I wanted so much to have her nice calming voice there to help me through on top of him and my mum....but also to give him support too. By 4.34am I was feeling very dizzy and sick, and my contractions were getting more closer together and intense. He said he would leave when I left, I said I wanted his mum and he said his mum was more asleep than he was and she wouldnt be in the room when I gave birth.....I was heart broken, I knew she was such an amazing and had a calming voice that just made me feel better, so full of warmth and love, but I also wanted her there for Simon. This definately wasnt going to be like it was in the movies with everyone in the waiting room waiting outside...! (Of course not when there is only allowed to be a maximum of 3 people in the room and no big waiting room where I was to give birth, plus I had long set these rules in place about who was going to be there and when and why etc).
At 4.52am - I had a kick from our daughter, my very last kick I was to feel. It was as if she was saying are you ok out there?? I kept reassuring her everything was ok, that we were fine, and that she was coming out now. That we would get through this.
At 5.11am I left home to go to Papakura Maternity Unit, as a precaution my mum lined the passenger seat with a rubbish bag and towel incase my waters broke on the way to the hospital. I sent a text through to my next door neighbour telling her. And one to a mate with the lines of "please dont have a heart attack I am in labour!" - she has a heart condition and for the past 9 days had been having near heart attacks when she saw my name come up on her phone lol..!! My mum rang my sister and told her what was happening (I wish she hadn't after that as you will soon read). So it was off to the hospital!! I arrived there about 5.30am. Simon left his place not long after I got there, he only lived down the road from the hospital and arrived at 6.08am.
I was put into a delivery room, and soon learnt the midwife on duty hadn't even started to fill the pool up after our second phone call to her. I was slowly starting to accept I wasnt going to get my water birth. By this stage I was told by the midwife I was over breathing with my contractions, she didnt help me or show me in any way how to breath these so called slow deep breaths to try and keep me calm or to relax me in anyway, to make me stop wanting to throw up. Though I personally didnt see myself as over breathing. After all this is my body; I think I would know just what I was doing with it!! But come on first time mum here, this is all new to us, we were highly depending on you to help bring our much loved and wanted daughter into the would safely. I was told at this stage that I could go home and come back later, that my labour would more than likely fizzle out, I was also offered drugs - come on did this midwife NOT read my notes and birth plan where it says WATER BIRTH - NO DRUGS...?? Clearly not..! Naturally I refused to go home. There was no way I would risk going home and coming back a couple of hours later, I KNEW this baby was coming and I trusted my body and its messages. Plus the thought of coming back in the car with even worse contractions....I dont even want to think about what that would be like!
Over the next half hour to hour, I was able to walk down to the toilet with Simon, I had a contraction on my way back to the delivery room. I was told to lean against the bed during my contractions but this just wasnt comfortable for me to stand up and lean forward at the height the bed was at. Instead I opted to go back onto my hands and knees on the bed with all the pillows piled up under my belly for support since the birthing pool still hadnt been filled up and I obviously wasnt going to have what I asked for. I wish I have brought my swiss ball or something. I recall vomiting at some stage, and being told I was over breathing and thus causing me to vomit (what ever this is all part of labour!). Eventually I was able to relax a little bit after this, with Simon rubbing my back as I laid on my side breathing through my contractions he was telling me ever so softly these beautiful stories about our daughter. Filling my head with visions he was, us walking along the beach with her, trips to the zoo and things like that. I was able to slightly rest and sleep a little bit while he was doing this, though it wasnt all quiet when my sister decided to call again in the middle of my contractions..! I was pretty much left alone until 7.50am when hand over happened and a new midwife came in and took over. I was so thankful of hand over and a new midwife being assigned to my delivery. I was over the moon too when she mentioned she would fill the pool up, but just needed to do a check.
Of course by this stage I was on my back and my contractions were coming on in full swing one after the other and so intense to the point my whole body was ridged and I felt like I needed to push, I then felt like I had wet my pants, and all I could say was "I just peed!" only it turnt out I hadnt peed but in actual fact my waters had broken by 8.00am and I had a sudden urge to push. (Boy was I glad I hadnt gone home when I was told to 2 hrs before hand!!) It was discovered that there was Meconium in my waters, but I was still only 3cms dilated at this stage (seriously Ive only gone 1cm since I was last checked a week ago!!???) and so my natural drug free water birth was officially canceled. I was then hooked up to the Entonnox Gas to prevent the urge to push, and I was hooked up also to a IV Fluid line. What wasnt done was being shown how to take the gas and as a result I OD straight away on it and knocked myself out. I started to panic at this stage as I couldnt talk, I was screaming out in my head to Simon and I could see and hear everything that was going on around me with the commotion in the room with all these medical staff in, Simon started to panic a little bit - I think I had scared him a bit, after all it was only 10months prior that I met him and collapsed on him in the shower.
At 8.20am an Ambulance was called to transfer me to Middlemore Hospital. And I then left Papakura Matenity Unit to go to Middlemore Hospital at 8.40am. I recall being wheeled down the hall way calling out for Simon. He apparently was right behind me as they were rushing me out, though I was so out of it due to over dosing on the gas and being somewhat knocked out. I was going into shock and panicking greatly, I was freezing cold and had been covered with blankets and one of those silver emergency warmth sheets (can't recall their proper name). This wasnt how I had planned it all, everything was going against my vision and everything I had read on giving birth, the signs of labour and stages of labour - none of them told me about this. I didnt read anyone's birth stories, I didnt watch any other videos other than the one of a friend who gave birth 6wks prior that made me put alot of rules into place, the videos they showed in Antenatal class seemed so perfect but very old (from the 80s/90s).....they didnt show things like this in the movies and on tv!!!!! By the time I was loaded into the ambulance, it had stopped raining and the sun had rised at some stage (it had rained when I left home and still dark).
My mum got into the Ambulance with me, and Simon followed right behind us in his car, we only came with my bag too - the nappy bag with all the baby stuff and the capsule were still in my car. I still dont recall why we didnt bring the nappy bag in. I was given gas again as my contractions started up in the Ambulance, but once again I knocked myself out with it, I recall having my eyes closed and hearing the midwife who came with us, and my tongue being out, my mum speaks differently of this, but in my minds eye while I was going through the side effects of the gas it appeared different. All I remember is my contractions rolling in one after another, and me continually saying sorry that I had done a pee and poop (when in actual fact I hadnt, and what I was "peeing" out was just my waters at this stage.) I also remember as the contractions came on, wanting to push, it was very hard to control my body, I was so scared I would get cramp in my legs (given only a couple of days before hand I had a really bad episode where I had the most wicked cramp in my leg/foot and moving it back into the position it had been in wasnt doing anything but making it much worse!!). My body literally was going so ridged and straight, and in some cases seemed like I was bending backwards. Eventually came a period in the Ambulance where I was able to sort of relax and breath while still being out of it from the gas. Sometimes I wish they had just let me push, let me be in the position I wanted to be in, and let my body just do what it wanted to do....but all they kept saying was if I pushed too early I would be very sore and tear.
I arrived at Middlemore at 8.58am, by 9.20am I was moved to a bed in the delivery room there, this was a great mission as everyone was getting very pushy with trying to get me to move, however my contractions were just rolling in one after the other and I was at a degree where I could move my legs fine, and my top half but my middle section where my belly and pelvis were had lost the message completely from the rest of my body to move....eventually I was told to roll off the gurney and onto the bed. Simon went and parked the car, and while he was out of the room, I called out to mum and said I was sorry and started to a cry a little bit.
Simon came back, and after introductions were made at 9.30am, and I was given the gas again for my contractions, I started to get to the degree where I was getting a little frustrated with everyone talking. Now I refused to swear or get angry and rude, instead I just started to cry when I couldnt get the words out that I wanted too. One of the midwives didnt know what was wrong, and thankfully Simon was able to ask me what was wrong and I whispered to him that I didnt like the midwife, I went to the degree of asking for every single staff member that I had look after me at various stages during my pregnancy in that hospital.....and they checked the roster and called departments to get them in, sadly none of them were on that shift, not even my cousin down in SCBU. Eventually the midwife told me about how she was the most experienced and top midwife who had won an award....by this stage I just wanted her to shut up and be quiet. I wanted quiet. Thats all I wanted in that moment was to be left alone with no noise. I needed to focus and calm down. With the gas on board, I started to get a really dry throat and became thirsty so it was Simon's job to met my demands of "Water!!!!" and believe me I got really impatient if it wasnt fast enough. (kicking myself that I didnt get the homeopathic meds I planned to put into the water to help me by now!)
At this stage I DID wet the bed and had been sick again I believe. The midwife wanted to change the bed as I had wet it....and seriously it was the least of my problems or concerns trying to let my booty off the bed so they could change it....I mean its only going to get ALOT worse with blood, poopy waters and lord knows what else soon..! While I had the gas, and this while taking some edge off everything, it wasnt stopping my body wanting to push. My body was just doing this all it self. But of course, I wasnt able to open my legs during the rolling contractions. I finally managed to get a short break to allow them to view between my legs to how far gone I was at 9.50am. And a doctor was called in, I refused to have him, I wanted a female (my little brain just heard a name I didnt know and instantly thought it was the doctor from the week before hand that I didnt like from when I was in hospital for a possible induction due to possible IURG!) and so he was happy enough to get a female doctor in for me. I actually didnt really mind after I saw him and knew he wasnt who I thought he was. But he was respectful of me and got me a lady.
There was major talk about an Epidural, and I remember Simon showing me the paper work for it, I opened my eyes and gave him a very stern angry look before closing them again. He said to me, what was that look for, why are you looking at me like that with your angry eyes.... I gave him the look because I wanted him to SUPPORT me with my choice of no drugs and no epidural, I wasnt happy at him trying to tell me about the damn thing. I was so set in my ways of not having this stupid needle shoved in my spinal cord. I trusted my body, I trusted in Mother Nature and everything else that I could do this. I was asked WHY I didnt want it, and in my slurred speech from the gas side effects, I said Paralysis. That was my greatest fear of having a needle put into my spine was that I would be one of those freak accidents and numbers that would be paralyzed from it for the rest of my life. No way was anything go near my precious spinal cord and back..! (As it was, I was too far gone for one anyway - YAY for me!! Yes Im one of those crazy woman who WASN'T begging for a Epidural and all the drugs. Yes I was sticking to my guns, nevermind Simon had a bunch of friends back in England trying to talk him into not supporting my drug free labour, telling him that I would be in so much pain blah blah blah....yea what ever you weak girls..!)
They showed me the chart of where they were on the understanding that I was at and where I needed to get too before I could start pushing.....yes, yes I had seen this chart before in Antenatal Classes, I remember it very well. I had 7cm more to go. I was getting tired and frustrated and all I kept saying for the whole hour I was there was to get her out, I begged Simon to get our baby out, that was all I wanted was for her to be out. Part of my brain said, bugger this I want a C-Sec I can't do this.....then the more logical side pushed that away and said what the hell is wrong with you Bronwyn, you have come this far, you CAN do this, you don't want surgery, stop being so weak. Just push this baby out yourself, you WILL do this..! Believe in yourself and at least hold onto the very last fragment of the birth plan you had originally in place!
The Birth -
The bestest and greatest news came at 10.15am that I was 10cm dilated and I could start pushing with my next contraction...! They were no longer stopping me from doing what my body was
naturally doing and what I kept saying I wanted to do...! Yay for me, yes thats right somehow I went from 3cms dilated to 10cms dialted in the 30mins it took me to get from Papakura to Middlemore...! My mum said to me later that I transitioned over in the Ambulance, she noticed a change in me and was watching the contractions rippling through my back while I was doing nothing. It was just my body naturally doing everything. A clip was put into our baby's head to monitor as I had refused to have the CTG belts put on me again, I didnt want anything around my belly or constricting me. My gas was taken away. And bless Simon for the only photo of me in labour he took - this is pretty much how I think I looked once I was hooked onto the gas.
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| 5 Minutes before giving birth and meeting my little girl. |
By 10.25am I was told to push. And Push I did. I had two big pushes to get her head out, and just as she was crowning they asked me if I wanted to touch her head, I sharply said no, come on man I have more important matters on hand here! One of the midwives kept telling me that I was a star, talk about a major change in handling of patients from the very first midwife 4hrs ago..! (Not only this but they finally found out that I suffered from Depression and Anxiety, something that wasn't written anywhere in my notes never mind me saying it had to be in big fat letters at the very front, our Antenatal Class Educator who is a retired midwife told us to make sure of this too!). I recall the moment her head finally came through, the burning sensation, and I said to Simon I told you we should of done that massage!!!! (I had been begging him for a month to come and do it for me as I couldnt reach fully. And it was his idea in Antenatal Classes a couple of months before hand that I should do it!) - by now the pain was so surreal I just wanted her out calling out going "Please just get her out" and "Oww, oww, owww!!", and I was starting to panic a little bit, and the next big contraction rolled in fast and I wanted to push but I couldnt as they had to remove the cord from around our baby's neck. She had by this stage tipped her head and started to tear me, which was probably adding to the pain even more. Simon kept telling me I couldnt push and not to push along with the midwives, I needed to hold on a few more seconds...but they seemed to be EXTREMELY long seconds....at the time they annouced her time of birth, when her shoulders to started to come out, I let out a big scream as she came out completely, and Simon started to cry.
And I had done it. I have given birth to a health baby girl weighing in at 7lb 5oz at 10.28am on the 18th September 2011. With only gas as my pain relief. I didnt get my natural drug free water brith, far from it. But I still gave birth naturally with the minimal drugs I could without effecting my body's naturally producing hormones and without effecting my daughter during child birth (I read about the effects Pethedine, Epidural and Gas can have on mother and especially baby during child birth prior to giving birth and compared to Homeopathic remedies hence me wanting to go with a more natural approach!).I birthed my placenta with added drugs due to health reasons and the high risk factors of a blood condition I had prior to falling pregnant. I also had alot of sutures internally from where I had been torn due to our daughter tipping her head while crowning and I nursed her after I had finished being sutured. Simon was one proud father, both of me for not having an epidural or anything and of his precious little that that he wanted so much.
It just so happened that right after I had pushed her out, cue my sister texting me, idiot me replying back to her, as she started to freaking call me...!!! OMG who on earth calls someone whilst they are giving birth like that? ESPECIALLY when I specifically told her I didnt want ANYONE including her to contact me while I was in labour or in hospital, that I wasnt going to have anything on Facebook until AFTER I got out of hospital and had time to recover and bond with my daughter. Not once did I or anyone do that to her while having her four kids. Thank God my Sim Card stopped reading at that moment too....!! Sadly she had put the word out before me or Simon could tell anyone we officially had our little girl. I was deeply guttered over the disrespect towards us.
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| The First Hour.... |
When I look back at it all, I had all these wonderful plans for my pregnancy and labour. I read alot of things, but not much, that was to come later that I read alot more info on Child Birth and Pregnancy in a natural way as the months went by after my delivery. I wanted a drug free pregnancy, however I was riddled with morning sickness/hypermesis gravadium for 16wks and had to take medication to control it. I had a highly stressful pregnancy with me trying to accept that my daughter was fighting and staying alive, unlike her older sibling who passed away at 5.5wks gestation in July 2007. I separated from Simon at the end of my first trimester due to all that was going through my head, I battled with a horrible girl who almost ruined my life and cost me our family bond. I battled through chest infections, thrush, food poisoning, depression, low iron, SPD and many other worries to come out with a beautiful healthy little girl at the end with nothing wrong with her at all. And that I guess at the end of the day is the besest thing ever.
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| Our happy little family - First Family Photo |
The body is an amazing thing, and should never be under estimated, and at that a woman should also never be under estimated when she is in labour. I am in-tune with my body , and I have Mother Nature to thank for helping me through this day as well as the staff from Papakura Maternity Unit, Middlemore Hospital and St John's Ambulance.I must also give thanks to Botany Maternity Unit to whom had my for my first night of post natal care. And lastly my mum and Simon.
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| Bonding Time with Mummy and Daddy. Our wonderful creation of love, happiness, hope and joy. |
