Antenatal Classes

Last week saw the end of me and Simon going to Antenatal Classes, we started them 4 weeks ago on the 21st of June, really scared and worried about what to expect from them. I had booked them in May some time, and I was really worried I would be all alone at them, while everyone else was couples being all happy lovey dovey towards each other, all excited and stuff....well I wasnt that far off with it being all couples, infact all the couples in our class were married..!! However we were all expecting our first baby...there was one other girl there who had a lady come with her but I dont know what her story was.... Lord only knows what people think of us, they probably assume we are married...who knows...the first class was a bit scary, especially when it came to introducing ourselves to the class. I had no idea how I was going to handle it or what I was going to say. Seemed like all the guys were introducing themself and their wife.....but I must say I was so proud of Simon for taking the bull by the horns and getting it over and done with!! It was short, simple and to the point without going to much into detail.

Each week we got given a some information that we covered over three hours, from birthing options and vaccines right through to bathing baby and breastfeeding. We watched a few DVDs including a couple of birth ones and one of shaken baby syndrom - that one made me cry, though you know its going to happen but when you see the baby being shaken it really cut me up a bit...think we were all shocked in the class over it.

Over all I think we learnt a few things we didnt know about before, or had only a little bit of knowledge on. We managed to bond a bit more - especially for Simon with his little girl as he has been away for 3 months. It was his chance to feel her hiccups and kicks....though he seemed to miss most of them, she will be all still and quiet when I notice it and he would put his hand on my belly.

We are now feeling a little more at ease with the pending birth of our first child - and I think our educator did a brilliant job of teaching us and filling out confused, scared and lost minds on information and answers to our qestions. Its also great to know that we can simply send her a text message with anything questions we may have still. We have also promised to bring our daughter in after she is born..!

Thank You Card

So I got a little crafty on Tuesday night and got a thank you card made. It was our finaly night of Antenatal Classes and I wanted to thank our wonderful educator for the past four weeks of things she has taught us, I wanted to get her a present but didnt really know what to get and time was running out, I only just got the card finished when Simon turnt up to pick me up and go to class..! My mojo is totally lacking and missing...!! And I realllllly want it back..!

Meanwhile here is the card I made.

In memory of my Lil' Angel

I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mummy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mum,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mummy set me free.
I miss my mummy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mummy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!
~Author Unknown

My sweet little pepi - its 4yrs ago today since you left mummy and daddy to go up to Heavan, I asked myself everyday just what me and daddy must of done wrong to not have you here with us today, but I know deep down in my heart you left for a reason, and gave us a second chance to do what we had not yet done but have been able to do now. I know your up there in Heavan now watching over your baby sister.....Ive had days this year where I have thought and asked myself why did you leave, but she didnt....everyday I think of you, I have never stopped loving you....and everyday I pray to you to watch over your Daddy so.

We love you so much and miss you too - that will never stop happening, even though we may not show it so.

RIP Keiran Stefano James "Gummi Bear" Denham-Bell.

6th June 2007 - 4th July 2007

Happy 25th Birthday to ME!!!

Im a quarter of a century old now....thats kinda scary....the past four years have been a bit of a blur for me, the past two I have spent competing in the Culinary Comps and this is the first year since 2009 that Ive not spent doing so, well I am competing just that they are at a different time this year compared to previous years due to the RWC.

Its also hard to imagine that a year ago I was planning on having a big party for my 25th......only here I am spending another big birthday pregnant again..!! That wasnt fully what I had plan, so instead of having a 25th Im having a Baby Shower in a month's time.....I here by declear a big 30th Party....(says me who keeps saying she wants a 5yr age gap between her daughter and a possible next one....do you hear that daddy dearest?? Mummy wants to have a party for her 30th....so anywhere after Amelia's 5th birthday I am happy with being pregnant again...! lol) - having said that 30th bday party two months before Amelia's 5th Birthday Party...ohh yea so not going to work...darn it!! lol

Must say - nice to see my Dad forgot my birthday again this year.....but its so easy for you to remember your eldest daughter's birthday 10days later...I dont understand you anymore..I really dont.

Thanks to all my friends and family who have been sending me birthday wishes, and to my boss also who emailed me....Im craving Black Forest Cake big time....

In Loving Memory Of...

16th June marks the one year anniversary of my distant cousin Don Barriball's death. I refer to him as my uncle, purely out of respect for my elders. I remember the day he was tragically killed in a house fire vividly.

I was heading into work, it was the AirNZ Long Service Award Dinner - I remember doing about 10kms over the speed limit on the motorway and there being a speed camera parked up under the bridge in Highbrook - I freaked out majorly about being caught, at the time I had a van driving really eractically beside me, as it was I never got a speeding ticket from that day. I arrived at work upset, and ended up having to call Drew to calm down.....working a function for my dad's work with alot of his co workers and bosses there was hard, it made me miss him deeply but somehow after the peep talk Drew had given I was able to make it through the whole function - infact I remember one Long Haul Flight Attendant introducing me to so many AirNZ workers, using my name and my father's name...saying how brilliant he was, for creating such a fantastic person as me. Those there who knew my father know what a mark he has made in his job and on the company in terms of programming of their planes and stuff.

It was later on that night that I went into the kitchen, around 11pm or so it was and I smelt a fire, something was burning, but nothing was...which was odd to me it was like the burning smell from paper and wood, just put it down to kitchen smells - though it wasnt your adverage burnt food smell and we didnt have anything like a wood fire burner or anything...not even the tandoori ovens that we have now make such a smell...infact its rare you smell any type of burning/fire smell at my work.

The  following morning on the 17th I was woken by my mum who informed me that there had been a fatal house fire that my uncle has been in. I didnt think much of it at the time of her telling me, but it was later that night that it hit me - the grief. I started to have an anxiety attack purely focused on him dying in the fire and if he felt any pain from the flames burning him.....I had just started my exams that day, I had to consult with the University Councellor (it was so that I could have an exemption put in place for impaired performance on my exams), my GP and a friend who was a former fire fighter who had to tell me just what would of happened.

*** *** ***

A year on, my mind doesnt think of him much now - every now and then he comes across my mind and then I stop and think "Oh that's right....he died." Little things make me think of him, not very often though, its amazing how as time goes on people you knew for so long, after they die you forget about them - I dont know whats worse that, or not thinking of them much when they are alive and the day you think "Oh what happened to so and so..." and then...THEN you find out that they have passed away. I found it ironic that the house Simon and his family moved into this year was the house he moved into when he first moved down to Auckland from up north....part of me thinks of him and I feel comfort know that if Simon's parents remain living there and my daughter spends time there at that house she will be safe, guided by his spirit.

With that I sign off with.

RIP Don Barriball.

2nd December 1953 - 16th June 2010 

Happy Birthday Daddy..!!

Wishing my Daddy a Happy 55th Birthday.

I love you and miss you heaps...!!! xxxx

Happy 25th Birthday Hayley!!

Happy 25th Birthday to my Childhood Best Friend Hayley...!!

Aww I have sooo many amazing memories from the past 20yrs of us growing up, the days we spent with the horses, down in the beach hut, in the pool, at Pippins and Brownies, eating hot dogs and fizzy drinks from the food caravan your parents STILL own and operate at the flea market in Otara hehehe....and just being kids....Im so glad we are back in touch again and talking..! Hurry up and move back to NZ cause I miss you like crazy...!!

I love your birthday cause it always marked the one month count down to my birthday..! Hehehe...