RIP Laura McKinley

RIP Laura McKinley

2nd September 1988 - 17th September 2008

To my sweet friend Laura,

It dawned on me today that it has been a year since I spoke to you last, I will never forget this day last year........Never. I keep thinking what did I miss......why didnt I see anything and why didnt you come to talk to me. I keep going back and reading that last convo I had with you, I still find it so hard to this day to think that just 12 hours later you were gone.....and that was my last time I got to speak to you. I keep on thinking why didnt you come talk to me!? I find it all so very hard to believe its real.....sometimes I wonder if you were real...but I know you are...because Ive talked to you...

I never got to met you, but the very short time I knew you will forever remain important to me...apart of me. This past year has been hard, and I have stuck by Cheryl to help her through losing you - her best friend. Ive had no on there to turn to when things have gotten hard with her and stuff....but youd be so proud of her as I am....she's gone through so much and she is still fighting! And she is just blossoming away!

Though I never met you, I know I had an impact on your life in the short time I knew you, and I will always remember that you had me personally mentioned me and thanked me at your Funeral last year.....for caring about you and being there for you.

Sometimes I get so angry at you, this time last year when I found out you were gone - I was so upset.....and then sooooo angry.....all I could think was how weak you became....and with that anger came the big hit for me - the feelings and emotions I went through....were horrible....seeing what they did to Cheryl were one thing...but knowing what she was going through and feeling them was another....but I learnt something....I learnt I couldnt never attempt to end my life again.....and with your sudden departure, I came to realise just the true effect that Teen Youth Suicide has on people...the things I felt and thought and the aftermath I guess....made me see that I couldnt put anyone through that.....my parents, my siblings, my friends and family...my doctor, my lecturers....my co workers....and just everyone....

You taught me a great lesson...and you raise great awareness at the time - you may now be one of those unfortunate statistics.....but its because of that that awareness needs to be made.....and more needs to be done to lower those numbers....I kills me everyday knowing that here in NZ they got rid of Yellow Ribbon Day....but I was fortunate enough to have a Yellow Ribbon given to me at school on the last yellow ribbon day here.....and i always look at it and think of you...infact the day you died...i wore it...

We will never forget you....your daughters will never forget you....we will always love you, as will they....we will always hold close the memories we do have with you and of you....I never got to met you, I never will get to met you....but I knew you, and I always will know you for ever. And I will do EVERYTHING I can to make sure Cheryl grows up into a sucessful and wonderful woman......you need not worry about that....I love her so much, and she knows to never lose touch with me....she knows how much I love her and care for her....you need not to worry!

Look after mine and Cheryl's Angel Bubba....let them know their Mumma's love them very much and that we miss them!

RIP Laura

NEWS FLASH - A New Job!!

*big long sigh*

This seriously needs updating!! And argghhh laking the motivation, but I thought I would post something, because well yes some news....I dont even know where to start....Im going to have to go back like two months!! Lets go back there....

CLOSE YOUR EYES PEOPLE....*wavy images as time goes back*

This is like a major update from my entry in July or so about the job I applied for at The Langham Hotel...

So things at work have been pretty quiet....bless them....Ive been dying with no work and Ive been having MAJOR withdrawals....!! Because I LOVE my job with The Relish Group....my boss is like my angel....when things got bad at GPK...I had to get out and he was my angel who lifted me up as I was falling from the sky...haha! But no really Im not just saying that for the meer joke of it, my boss is the greatest, he is a brilliant inspiration and he has built my confidence up...everytime I talk to him, I walk away feeling alot better in myself. I like that I have a relationship with him and that I can honestly tell him things, infact its like that with most of my senior management staff there...we are a tight little intimate team there.....even if I am only a casual and havent done many shifts with them....

But because of the Recession hitting the Hospitality Industry so hard, and working in the Luxury side of things....its hit it big there....so it was best for me to find a secondary job to help out. I had looked at some places....and applied and never heard back...it was hard as I wanted to stay with Functions and Events....its where I am liking things, Im like the change from the Waitressing I had been doing....its a different level and what not...I have found my place that I am wanting to get more into and being an expert in. The Langham Hotel had an advert for their new Banquet room...looking for Banqueting staff...so I applied... I had applied to them once before and never got a reply back at all...so I applied with the same feeling thinking I wouldnt get looked at....how ever the difference between this application and my application then was that I WANTED someone to pick me....and Ive been let down big time by alot of the big hotel chains in the CBD when its come to assessment days and open days losing out to others....feeling Im put aside for being a Kiwi...

But I applied for it just on the cut off of it closing....and I actually got an email back inviting me to an assessment day...which I thought was awesome...it was such a long wait as it wasnt for almost another month - and when the day came I was late...I missed the bus I wanted to get up to Symonds Street and had to find another one...(can I say Link bus drivers suck...when you ask what bus goes to Symonds Street dont listen to them when they say any of the buses from the side street to Britomart with 5 at the start....just walk up to the next stop and wait for any of the buses that goes to Three Kings as they go along there....and its like only 50 cents compared to the $1.30 you pay for the other buses going from the next street over..) anyway so I was late, and panicking....I knew it would make a bad impression being late....

The assessment day consisted of three parts - first one was Observation, and well little old me was in such a hurry the only thing i noticed was the lovely Kevin who is the door man....and may I say he really sticks to the Langham's Vision and Mission....as he remembers me...you will learn soon....but yes so the first part was a series of questions relating to the Langham Hotel and things inside it....this is partially a test to see if you have done research on the company before youve applied and during that lead time from being invited to the assessment day and the actual day. It was also taking notice of what was around you as you came in....and well their key point being to create Memories and a lasting impression...and well the hotel is meant to do that....your meant to remember these little details....so yes I helped my little group where I could...I remember saying the whole time "I rememember Kevin" thats all I took in was him and his name...! Haha!!

The second part was a practical, we had to set up a table of 5 in one minute, and then dismantle it all in one minute....the key point to I learnt was partly speed....and it was to test what you knew already....there is no right or wrong way to setting up a table...it all depends on the style of service and the menu being served as to how a table will be set up. I had to share my table - and the girl I was with took up more than half the table and I said to one of the assessors.....There is no way I am going to fit all 5 place settings on here she has taken up far to much room! I was deeply concerned about this....my competitive streak was showing and I was trying to show how damn good I was....and this girl well I didnt like her - ok she was a bit to expereinced for my liking....! I only got my cutlery down and my side plates and just got my nakpins on in a min...I mean phaor ONE MINUTE to set a table of five up....at the time I was doing my training for my table setting for the comps and at that I have an HOUR to set a table to FOUR!! I didnt get my glasses on and I was kicking myself about that....

But that was over and we went onto the third and final part.....this was a group assessment...we were given a senario...we were on a deserted island and we were only allowed to bring ONE thing with us that meant something to us....it wasnt allowed to be a person. For me my scrapbooking means alot of me....scrapbooking is all about Preserving memories for my future generations and just everyone...its my life story...and my item was a craft knife...I was more so specifically thinking of the Fiskar Tool Factory that has like a craft knife, tweezers, glue and other stuff all incased into one little tool....cause that meant I would have had more chance of serving hahaha!! But alas I dont know if anyone really know much about scrapbooking, let alone the Fiskars Brand! ANYWAY...we sat there all silent...and I took the lead and I said alright who wants to go first no one really did so I went and from there we came with out list of things and we then had to talk about how our items worked with the rest of the groups items for us to servive....and we just had to keep talking about how we were make it...my group was awesome....one of the guys in my group and I had so many ideas....our island went from being stuck on this island to repopulating it and having our own language and naming the island and what not...we looked into the future and what not...

After the assessment day was finished we were told it would be a couple of weeks before they would get back to us...if we didnt hear back that we were not sucessful....I decided to make the impression i left go a bit further and I emaild the HR Assistant Manager and thanked her for allowing me to attend...I elaberated by saying how much fun it was also how shocked I was that my group talked about things like sex and stuff...on our island...

A few weeks later I got a phone called on my phone but I was in class and ignored it...and sadly had no credit to listen to the voicemail....and thankfully my good friend Stacey whom Ive known since Kindy...put money on my phone - bless her - I owe her big time!! And doing so I was able to get this message and it was the Langham calling to see if I could come to an interview....I rang back and left a message....and I got a call back the following day while I was on my way into work to show my medals and certificates from the comps and to drop off some stuff I borrowed....and we arrange a time for an interview I was really hoping to have it at the same time as a meeting I had with my PL at Uni...because I didnt want to go to that meeting....Im going to white lie to her and say I had an interview on that day...lol!! LITTLE WHITE LIE NEVER HURT!! I get away with that fact I have bad memory thanks to my head being bashed against the kurb when I got beaten up and my depression sure screws it up...

I went off to my interview - and this is something people who know me well will know - when Im late I ALWAYS make up for it the next time - in this case I was an HOUR early for my interview....I went down to the cemetry and looked around trying to find my family that had been buried there....kinda sad down there alot of kids...and babies....my family is buried in the other part - well I mean their names are on a wall....their graves were covered over by the motorway.....NICE I KNOW!! I read all about the history of that Cemetry and stuff!! I went in for my interview - felt a little put off that the Banquets Manager wasnt paying full attention to me....and I left feeling like I didnt get the job...

Two weeks went by and I put it away and forgot about it...hadnt heard and thought I wasnt succesful...just another one of those hotels...but I got an email last week that brought hope...but only a little and I was like pfffft to it....but then the next day....an hour after I got my baby nephew to sleep finally....my phone rang and it was the call I had been waiting for...I was offered the position....and said I could start next week...I was a mean Aunty and woke my baby nephew up going "Wake up, wake up....Aunty got the job at The Langham Hotel!" ....he smiled and cuddled into me - lol then he started to cry as Aunty woke him up from his sleep that she worked so hard to settle him down into!

And so yes I now work for the Langham Hotel...I had my first day yesturday at the Langham...I was late...by like half an hour...thank to yours truely the train and bus - and the first person I saw when I walked up wth the lovely Kevin who knew who I was and he took me right to where I was meant to go...well he directed my from the lift...I got lost...lol! BUT I saw a chef who I asked to help me and she took me down to where I was meant to be...and THAT my friends is just the Langham way.....we are there to help everyone and we are to take you to where you are to go....because trust me its easy to get lost in a big Hotel...! But its just part of the service and it is just one of the many memories....

And already I feel welcome greatly into the team at the Langham Hotel and in actual fact I am already talking future plans....with my foster brother in the UK...like living in London and transfering over to the big Grandaddy of Langham Hotel....the very first Langham hotel...! Which of course I know a big part of the history of now...

Strangely enough Ive learnt alot in the past two days about the Langham Ive forgotten all my stuff for Uni!!

I just want to say a big thank you to my new co workers and management team....if you have managed to found my blog after I told you today what I read and out of curiosity...also part of the Langham way lol you have come to find this so called blog of mine....!

New Zealand National Culinary Fare 2009

I know its like a few weeks delayed and behind - but it was nothing that flash cause I didnt get any big major prize or medal as I like to think - Ive been super busy with assignments too.....Prizegiving for my class I competed in was on August 23rd, again another pet pieve has come up with this....dont ask me why Im being so critical on the whle thing....but this was my first year competing and I have been told that my ideas and feedback are highly welcomed and will be taken into consideration for improving next years Culinary Fare...(I have a very good relationship with my lecturer who was training me and who is heavily involved in the organisation of it all) but yea....pet peive was prizegiving...

Looking back at the Regionals EVERYONE who got a medal had their photo taken, at Nationals, only those who won over all got a photo...which was a bit disheartning....and by the time my class came there was pretty much no one left in the room that and half the winners were still competing in other classes - so ideally they should have had one day where they had ALL prizegiving....at the very end instead of heaps of seperate ones and stuff...at the beginning they would call out the names and stuff of those who werent present at the last prizegiving...

I got Silver and according to the result marks I came 3rd....no one got Gold and Sky City won over all - I felt stink about that as Im sure the winner has probably done it before, and Sky City has a massive staff training operation....I know because my lecturer who was training me is their trainer...! So felt a bit stink....so many people said they liked mine and didnt like hers....I personally found her centre piece was lost as her menus were too high....and she didnt have any plates on her table...

But oh well - I will go for Gold for both comps next year!!

New Zealand National Culinary Fare 2009

Ok I have put all the video clips my mum took of me into one big file and have uploaded it onto You Tube....so here is it all is...I put little annotation in it stating what I was doing in each video.

I keep picking out on all my flaws and thing I did wrong and stuff...I could have done so much better!! I have my medal and certificate and I will take a photo of them later tonight and upload onto here...

NZ National Culinary Fare 2009

Its 8 o'clock and Im extrememly tired and nackered, after spending the day in at the ASB Showgrounds competiting in the National Culinary Fare. But I think this blog entry needs to be done while its fresh in my head still. Strangely enough I was thinking about my blog entry all day today....!!

After the success of getting Gold at the Auckland Regionals this year, my lectuter sent me to the nationals. Ive spent the past two weeks doing training, I think I did about 4-5 session at Uni after and before Food and Beverage Management, it was just conveniate that I had class with my lecturer who was training me. It hasnt been an easy month I will say that, Ive been cruising alone with training, I know i can do it, I know i can get it done with pleanty of time at the end. Sadly you will learn how it went in training or how it went at the Regionals did not go that way at the Nationals BUT I do know why that was! So keep reading...

Friday saw me collecting my box from Uni, I had two assessments due that day but I had extension granted for them, as my mum has been ill the past month or two and my depression hasnt be the greatest this past month. Infact we ended up in the hospital a couple of times the week after Regionals with mum....also the same week mum was in hospital Matthew decided he would dump me after a month of going out with me....its one thing being dumped, but its another thing doing a competition when you have Starfish in your setting and knowing that a guy you were going out with has the nickname "Matty Starfish" but strangely enough I wasnt even thinking of him today, infact I was actually thinking of Roberto....my bestest friend in the whole wide world and who brings me alot of luck. But not only was I thinking of him but I was also thinking of our little Angel up in heavan..for it is him that I am doing these comps, I missed out on doing them two years ago as I fell pregnant with him and then sadly lost him...and ended up going on extended sick leave at work and missed out on entering them.

ANYWAY....

Friday I spent the afternoon washing all my china, cutlery, glasses, vases, trays and napkins and table cloths.....Saturday my darling mother spent the day ironing everything for me (see now I hae her do them because last time I went and ironed my table cloths they melted and I had to have her make them smaller and then had to get a second cloth to go underneath the table...as what I had became to short all because I had burnt it...probably a good thing in a way as had it been long still it would have clashed with the chair covers) I spent Saturday night packing my box and making sure I had everything all in it and putting it into order.

I was woken up by my stalker this morning...(a guy who goes to Uni and he just stalks me none stop...texts me and msn's me alot....and he gets all shitty if I dont reply and ahhh I wont even go into it all - thats a blog for another day....but I have learnt he does it to everyone - all I can say on the matter is in hospitality its one thing to be friends but its another thing to be TOO friendly and in your face...to the point you actually put people off you) but after lying in bed for a couple more hours I dragged myself out and got dressed had some breafast...and got things all sorted and into the car...

Updated my Facebook Status and sent a message to the Fiskateers....and checked on my Farmville farm....however not my Farmtown farm...which I should as I think I had Coffee beans to harvest soon...texted a few people and then headed off over to Greenlane. We stopped in at Countdown (formerly Foodtown and I had fond memories as I drove in of the last time I went there in April with Rob to the McD's and got a BBQ Cheeseburger combo meal...hows that for memory??) Got some munchies then had fun and games trying to sort parking out and where to go to unload...

My first bit of critisim came across here - I thought it was poorly organised, maps of the place and gates should have been supplied with directions on where to go and there should have been specific parking for competitors - I didnt think it was overly fair that competitors had to pay for parking, I mean we have paid registration, and we have spent lots of money to get things all together for these comps, for me I have spent well over $300 on things for my table setting! Which is alot of money in my books.....thats how much its costs someone to have me working for 10 hours at work at a function.

Once I finally found the gate I had to go too - the paper work said Gate Three but in actual fact it was Gate B....there is a big different between B and 3 you know...that little line on the bumps! So I was unpacking the car and took my box into the hall and wait for it here is my second piece of critisim coming - I stood in that door for a good 5 mins going ok now what am I meant to do where am I putting my box and where am I meant to be going and what not....it would have made like so much more easier had there been someone there directing competitors especially those who were there for a first time! I mean for me I didnt have my lecturer there to show me and tell me what to do....because she was managing the floor. And then as I was going back to the car to move it to the the paid parking area...I had the EMT of some manky ambulance company that wasnt St Johns tell me they had rung security on me to move my car because I parked in front of an ambulance..I said to them Im unloading my car...I havent technically parked here and its not my fault this place is poorly organised with parking and directions on where competitors are to go....I mean I didnt know it was a real ambulance...if it had been a St Johns one I wouldnt have parked partically blocking it...i would have blocked the TVOne van....and as I said to Jade I would have made a big scence...and done a special Catherine Tate impersionation on live National TV just for her...lol....but when I went to go move my car the EMT's rang security on me again and said that the tow truck was now going to be there in 60 seconds....(well I saw no tow truck at all...or anything...so threatening people you idiots doesnt go down well....and had anything happened to me through the day that required me having to have medical treatment I would have told them where to go and requested proper St Johns Paramedics...

So once parking was all sorted I pretty much bummed around for a few hours - went and looked in at the Hospitality show...but wasnt really in the mood for it partly because I didnt want to be leaving mum on her own for long and it would have been more fun with her in it with me...I just yea wanted to get the comps over and done with I wasnt feeling well and I was feeling completely put off doing the whole comps due to a certain person. I felt a bit sad that my former co worker Renee was at work and wouldnt be coming but felt a bit better when I had a few class mates come and watch...and the judges from the Regionals *waves to him incase you have found my blog again!! Haha* I feel a bit embarassed by that now! But I guess you will be able to see just how much I can critic and judge things and how competitive I am...

Before I knew it the whole three hours since I had arrived were gone and it was time to enter into the arena...I spent a bit of time on the floor before everyone else arrived, and my fellow class mates were concerned about me and were asking my mum if I was ok...my mum explained to them that I was praying to my son and grandfather....and I was...not so much to my grandfather but more so to Gummi...I was asking him to be there for me and to help me through it all....that I was doing it for him. Part of me wished Roberto was there just for that added bit of luck..I would have felt a hell of alot better having him there...but he wasnt...he said he might come but he didnt...i wasnt fully relying on him being there....in my minds eye I had to envision him there and I knew he would have probably left me messages wishing my good luck - which I found when I got home...thanks!! If only you werent working tomorrow and you come to prizegiving....though again its not biggy but I want you at Gradaution for Uni next year...

We gathered together and the judges told us the rules we had to follow and we were allowed to go and get started. I started to really panic not long after I started unpacking my box...I had a lecturer from Whitieria Polytechnic who was talking non stop all through the whole heat, and she stood right in front of my section and she got louder and louder and she was pushing my mum out of the way who was trying to take photos of me and get video clips of me so I could show my friends and family over seas what I was doing....and not only that but the family of one of their students was with her and they too were talking loudly in front of my section....and one of their kids kept on hanging on the barriers and that in turn kept rocking my side station table...I gave many glances towards them through out the whole hour - and instead of finishing with good time to spare I ended up only JUST finishing with 5 mins left to go...I was completely put off by this lecturer - and I know she doesnt like me at all - as she was a Judge at the Regionals, and she didnt like anything about my setting, she didnt like the starfish on the name cards, she didnt like the shells on the the napkins....she sure as hell didnt like the chocolates in my kite bags - she touched them and freaked out saying OMG they are chocolate and left the arena back then - and I cant remember if I mentioned it in my blog entry back then but I felt there was alot of favourtism towards Whitieria Poly at the Regionals....fortunately I only have one of there students competing on the Nationals but there were others there - and there were some impressive settings...

Given that I was completely put off by this lecturer and this students family from talking rudely if I must say so loudly and their continual bumping of the barriers agianst my side station - I only just finished in time, I was blown way out with my my timing, and my sequence of service...I put my chairs out first and not put my apron or gloves on first....I polished first instead of putting my table cloths on first like I had been doing through my months of training...and that is why I have been left feeling like I did poorly and wont be getting anything...not Gold and surely not winning over all...and getting the prive of lunch with Turning Tables and the one on one training...which would be benificial to not just my Diploma but also my job...

But I know I have lost ALOT of Marks due to my pants falling down...thats the sucky thing having lost more weight since the regionals...my pants just fitted me then, when I brought them they were pretty tight I could only just get them done up...but now they are falling down on my...!! I couldnt afford new ones, they were new as it was and I spent alot of money on them too! Its very hard trying to find clothes that keep your butt in your pants....Jade says I have a sexy bum lol..I said if I had it my way I would have flashed a bit of boob too...!

So yes....comps are over now...THANK GOD!! Though still waiting on results which will be up tomorrow morning and prizegiving which is tomorrow - so tune in tomorrow for the results!!

I have lots of photos but I am on dial up speed until later in the week so wont be able to put them onto Picasa yet...until that speed it back....and I have video clips too - Im not sure if I am going to upload them all to You Tube seperate or put them into Movie Maker and put them all together into one large clip...and then put that on youtube...

We Need An Update!

OMG I so need to update my blog man!! This is completely shocking!

My main excuse is Uni - Its evil I tell you! Pure EVIL! I am missing last semester big time now, it was so easy and laid back, with pretty much little to know assessments at all - most of it was practical based and online assessments which were all multi choice questions. This semester is HARD! Im in Year Two now and its a higher level of work - unless you count that one damn paper Im repeating....

Ive got three group assessments this semester, and if I think back to a year ago when I first started my Diploma, my two group assessments fell apart and I was left to do them on my own - One I passed with a B or somethng and the other I just passed with a C....but I failed that paper completely as I flanked out in my final exam and here I am repeating that paper this semester!

Not only that, but i have four assessments - one is due next week, two the following and then one two weeks after that. I have such a full on month looking at my little diary in my manky cellphone that is slowly dying on me - Ok Ive had it since 2005 give me a break! Im a poor uni bitch now....alright?? Recession as hit the Hospitality Industry hard and no one is having big flash weddings or fancy parties and stuff - what I would do to have a whole pile of weddings or big parties like the one Lucy Lawless had in March to come through work and my wonderful boss to call me up and say CAN YOU WORK BRONWYN!! ??

This month is full on with all those assessments due in that i havent even started yet! Im into the hard Management stuff now...I have now fulled up two days a week for the next two weeks with training for the National Culinary Fare which is the 23rd- 25th July with my competeing in Innovative Table Setting on the Sunday 23rd at 3.30pm....I need to get my box from Uni on the Friday before hand to take home so I can get it to the ASB Showgrounds for the comps...Ive got an assessment day next week at the Langham Hotel for a job Ive applied for and Im hoping like mad I get offered a position - training for that job starts in September and the actaul job doesnt start until late October (they are currently building banquet rooms) - and with all this shit from Uni and inbetween - Im trying my best to get by with me mum being sick....

I can say though - even though my scrapbooking is on hold at the moment - I have been asked by a friend if I could make and design her Wedding Invitations - she looked at all my scrapbooking pages, menus, and name cards and buffet cards and stuff on my Facebook - and she loved them and asked me to make em! WOW!! She doesnt get married until ANZAC day next year - so I should be able to manage making them as she wont be needing them till later in the year so I can get them done in the Uni Holidays between semesters....which is when I do most of my scrapbooking now...lol.

Anyway best get some sleep now, its almost 3am! I have to be up by 8.30am or so to get into Uni to go on a site tour of the Westin Hotel - hahaha I wonder if I will get to see Dane at all since his work is right across the road...doubt it! How bad of me, I shouldnt be thinking of my Summer fling when Im getting over my Winter fling - I really need to stop getting involved with Italians....they are breaking my heart!

I will leave you with a photo I took from outside my works head office in the Auckland Domain yesturday....I had a meeting with my boss - he is just wonderful! I couldnt ask for anyone more better than him.....I walked away feeling alot more confident with myself and looking at my career more better. I even managed to tell him one of my weaknesses and that is I dont know how to sell myslef in job interviews...he said its ok Bronwyn, you know that, youve identified on that and we can work on fixing that. Isnt he great?? Yuh I think so!! I told him so...haha! I think what also made me feel good was him sayng how much I was wanted there and how much they need me na enjoy me and are happy with my work. I am one of their best even if I have only done four functions in the past 5 months! Having said that, about not being able to sell myself, I didnt get my job there because of that....it was because of my CV was excellent and my name haha :p

Night!!

Welcome to the World Baby Zac!!

My Uncle Tim has welcomed into the world and the family his first born child!!! Congrats Uncle Tim and Aunt Nicole...a Little boy to carry on the Family name!! The 11th Grandchild for My Nana and late Poppa!