Happy New Year!!! 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Here is to an amazing new year..!!

My mate Toni invited me over to see the new year in she did, we spent the night playing random games with her and a few of her mates and one of my co workers Matilide and her partner Ben who Toni also knows (actually it was at Toni's birthday I met them - little did we know at the time we worked together in different departments!!). This was Simon's second time meeting them as he had met them at my work's xmas party. Simon and Ben spent a long time playing with swords they did...(both Tili and Ben are in a circle together - that was where they met and formed a relationship).

We watched as the fireworks went off over by the Skytower - Toni has a slight view from her deck at her house to the Skytower. We finished the evening off with a movie...which I fell asleep in before waking up sometime in the early hours of the morning deciding  I wanted to go home to my bed. Usually I stay over at Toni's and crash on her couch when I have been at her house but I just wasnt overly feeling well. I wanted my nice bed that and I had to be at my Dad's for a family BBQ on New Year's Day....bless Simon for driving home....he shouldnt have technically speaking, but I was no good being pretty much asleep.

The family BBQ was good - got to met my step nephews whom I missed out on meeting in November due to me collapsing and going into hospital - leaving me with just one of my step nieces that I havent met now. I hardly see my step siblings, and I dont have an overly close bond or relationship with them all - my sister on the other hand seems to have more of a bond than me. She has the slight advantage that her husband's family lived when the moved here from the UK when he was little with my Step Sister's partner's family after they came from the UK also. My Brother in Law and his siblings are also close friends with one of my Step Brothers (this all happened before my dad split with my mum and got with my step mum of course...but you can see how there was already that relationship/bond before out families came together through common law I guess). I have always felt left out, I am and still am the youngest - and my relationship with my Dad sadly has slipped away as much as I have tried to keep it going (we use to be really close growing up before he left).

After everyone left me and Simon stayed behind for a little bit to give my dad and step mum their xmas presents. We had a little talk about our plans and stuff for this new year and other things....I tried to get Simon and Dad talking...by mentioning things like radios and electronics, Simon is into similar things as dad is....we talked about Simon possibly getting a job in NZ - we are waiting for a company to call him back for a second interview as a follow up to one he had in December or so.

While it was a good day....I really felt left out and even more down when I heard my dad make a comment about not wanting anymore grandkids....I dont know how serious he is about that comment but that pretty much makes me feel stink....because my sister has 4kids and my step siblings having kids...its like if I even was able to get pregnant which I highly doubt...by some miracle it happening again....it wont be accepted...? My dad wasnt overly impressed or remotely interested with my first baby that I lost....so I can feel that I will just get the same reception from him. We have only really just started talking about now after my miscarraige in 2007....

Sigh...