Thank God Xmas is over!!

Im so glad that Xmas is over now....its never an enjoyable time of the year for me now.....my sister is partly to blame for that. Ok I love my nephew yea, except right now Im not in the mood being around him with his behaviour and all....but I dont give a rats arse about his birthday being on Xmas day!! Its not all about the presents!! That is not what that time of the year is about....ok so all the traditions of Father Yule, Saint Nickolas etc etc he is handing out gifts to children and stuff...but to me it is meant to be a time for sharing and being thankful of having family and stuff around you....for being alive....but when you have someone bitching because smeone else spent more money on a present for this child and less on theres or they got more presents than this person - you start to get sick of it - especially after three years of putting up with it....and even having to put up with still expecting presents for ALL years that are in the past now...

I mean we dont give presents to all our cousins....we use to have when we were much much younger...but as we got older we stopped doing the whole birthday present thing....and to our second cousins we hardly every give anything...the odd gift in the first few years....but after that nothing...and heck as an adult there are some years where i dont get a present from all of my aunts and uncles....let alone my granparents...! So accept the fact you didnt get anything this year....or your children didnt get anything from them - they may be the same age as some of our cousins but they are of a different generation...!!

Im sitting here crying as I write this...and most people will roll there eyes and think god when isnt she cry!! Well F You....you dont understand what it is like having a mental illness now do you??? You have no idea what it is like to be walking on down through life fine and dandy on minute to be a mess the next for no reason.... im sorry officer that my brain doesnt produce the right amount of Seritonian that it is meant too!! And no Im not engesting any medication to try and fix that - much like some parents do with their ADHD or ADD children who believe they need Rediline or KIDDY COCAINE daily and then need a "top up"later that day.....dont you know your setting your child up to be a drug addict later on in life??

ANYWAY...

Im well aware of this but it has only really hit me today for some reason...that it would have been Gummi Bear's first Xmas had he survived...and so Im battling all those emotions again...where I feel like Im all alone - and I know Im not....but you just feel like you are...and I ask the whole why does so and so's baby get to live and mine didnt....or why does so and so get to be pregnant again and I cant...

And all I want right now is a hug from the person who makes it all go away knowing full well I wont get that hug....and probably will never get to see that person again...because someone has to get in the way and stop them....all I can say about them is your a a selfish control freak...Im sorry...but I know how much you hate having other people trying to control you....

I was out doing some last minute Xmas shopping last week and came across the Xmas Stocking...my mum saw me holding it...she knew what I was thinking...little things I pick up in a shop and think...awww i would have gotten that for Gummi if he was still here....

I miss him so much....though most of the time I try not to think about him....in reality I think about him every day - something will come up that will make me think of him...

I feel like Im going to stuck in this never ending cycle of grief - until something comes to full it in and fix it...I have tried believe me - to move on....to find it just doesnt work...to have it all come crashing back down on me...like how you build a tower out of lego and you get it so high and it falls back down again so you start all over agian only well same thing happens...you may have got a few more blocks on this time but it still falls down...

To end this....

To my little Gummi Bear

Mummy misses you everyday.

There is not a day that goes by where I dont stop and think of you.

Where I think you should be doing this by now, or I would have gotten you this toy or outfit.

I love it when you come to see me in my sleep. Those days I wish I could just stay asleep so I can be with you forever. You are the most beautiful Angel I have met. Your soft skin, warm eyes and sweet cheeky smile.

And I love you so much my sweet baby.......and I know, deep down in my heart and his, Daddy does too.

Secret Sant and Chocolate Willies lol

Ok so I need to seriously update this thing!! BIG TIME!! Ive been so busy with work its not funny...yes Ive had days off and all but I just dont have time to sit down and full in a blog and stuff....then its sorting out photos to put up..i want to put them all up but then it hate having to remember how to put them in a slide and all....anyway...enough of that.

Im patiently waiting to see who the new head chef will be at work since our new one only lasted a few weeks....there surely has to be someone who is strong enough to take it on and lead us all and pull us up and out of the big hole we have fallen into....I cant wait till next month when we get out gold rimmed plate for Excellence in NZ Beef and Lamb!! WOOT!! Go GPK.....!!

We have had our new menu up now for a couple of weeks...and ive gotten use to having the Excutive Chef around work alot now along with our big boss....though I tell you sometimes its hard to find something to keep yourself busy with when your realllllly slow and dead!! Even walking around the whole restaurant is a bit obvious at times.

We had a staff meeting - I love staff meetings to be honest...I usually walk away feeling good after them...and a bit more confident...we handed out our secret santa names...and gave a date for when it would be. Which is what we just did on Sunday just gone...

It was pretty fun - the day was slow and long and we all gathered in the bar had some wine and were merry and handed out presents - Aaron got Rene a blow up cow - Daisy wasnt any ordinary cow I tell you!!! Aw per the pics of us drinking outside work lol....I got cuddles with Bex's Bubba...awwwww luffs her - she is who helped me with my healing after my M/C last year...its been a rough road..but Im getting there...back on track again...I think Pam is a bit shocked at me after how I was with the boys drinking...I only had one wine and stuck to water after that....lol!!

Yaz came over last night and we had our litle handing of presents....I got her a V8 Supercar clock and she got me a Godron Ramsay book...yay we had dinner and made Chocolate Penis' for a very special person....lol boy im going to get into trouble for that...like im not in trouble for giving him a penis shape egg frier! Hahaha....but Big J does look after me well...Im now off to make more for Shannon now lol!!!

And oops just looked at the time almost time for workies!!

Works Secret Santa




My Little Xmas the Catholic School Girls Way

New uniforms, Scans and other what not..

Ok so Ive been back at work almost a week now - and I tell you its really nice to be told tha we have changed out uniforms - NOT!! I was away for almost two weeks part of that was on holiday and theo the part was because well I wasnt rostered on (gee I could have just stayed down longer lol) and so I get into work last Saturday to have one of my managers go 'White Shirt Bronwyn" and Im like wtf?? And she goes new uniform notice was up two weeks ago....Im like ummm no it wasnt and I was here Tuesday so dont give me that bullocks.....why didnt you tell me when I rang up....I thought you knew...pffft yea right....

This always happens at work I dont get told things until they are sprung on me last min and stuff....grrrr...so it was a mad dash to the Warehouse to get a new white shirt...and may i say I like this shirt i like it even more that its a size 12!!! Thats like 4 sizes down from what I usually am!! Woot!! (yet my manager still has a rant at me about how I should have my darn hair and stuff to make myself look thinner....I said gee and people wonder why i have an eating disorder relapes!!) - I dont care what she thinks, you know, I dont have customers complaining about how I look if Im too fat or too skinny....and if anything I wouldnt have half the boys at work crawlling on the floor after lol....(two of which have tried something lol) ANYWAY...

We have more new staff members and more old long term staff members leaving...and me being one of the senior staff members now - Im copping the shiat for alot of the newbies screw ups - even when Im not there it seems...and i wish my big boss would open his eyes and see that yes though he is trying to run a business as he told me like 20 million times the other night - that he is losing staff like there is a plauge or something....its all very well having staff insentives like the current one running between all outlets of the one to sell the most San Pan. and Panna Still Mineral waters, gets to stay in a hotel with a cooked buffet breakfast and big pamper and spa package and stuff....but its not doing anything because well we never win, its always head office staff that do...

I tell you - sometimes I wonder why i stay working there....!! Speaking of working there - I best head off now for work...

PS. I have a scan on the 22nd of December at the hospital for my Gall Bladder.

Result for Uni...

Ok so there was a little hic cup with my results - I had a DNC put on for an assessment and I kicked up a stink about this while on holiday and my darling mother rang Uni and sorted it out for me (I just dont like dealing with these matters on the phone...I hate the phone...lol I will yell and scream down it - dont get me started with HP trying to help me from INDIA with my laptop a few months ago lol) - but mummy sorted that out and thank you to my lecturer for that subject who was fighting very hard for me against the Examination Board knowing I had applied for a Aegrotat Pass on it....and thank you also to the Head of the school I am studying under at Uni for revoking it...!

Only down fall is I failed ONE paper but thats ok i knew I would fail that paper all alone, the lecturer was a royal biarch so heh...I will re enrol for it at the end of the two years or maybe depending on how I do with the next 8 papers for next year, do it at Summer School - I wish not to spend longer at Uni that already plan...Id hate to have Graduation happen when I plan to go on my OE... :s

Anyway... results are...


Diploma in Hospitality Management

Academic Literacies in Hospitality II
Level 4 - 15 Points/Credits - C

Accomodation Operations
Level 4 - 0 Points/Credits - D

Information Technology for Hospitality
Level 4 -15 Points/Credits - B+

Services Marketing for Hospitality
Level 5 -15 Points/Credits - B

Congrats Yaz

On getting your restricted!! Whoooo!! You bet me by like 3%!!! Rude! lol but then I got mine before you :p

Vote for me and my fur Babies

I while ago I mention i was going to enter Abby into a compitition with my Vets - well Ive finally managed to upload the photo and then waited some weeks for it to be approved....while waiting I uploaded a photo from when I was saying Goodbye to Sid last week - both have some high votes of them....

You can help too!! Vote for Abby an for the late Sidney - and help me and my Vets win some awesome prizes!

Vote HERE Sid is the first pic there and Abby is the first pic on the second page - however they are both at the bottom of the first page under highest rated...! Yipee!!

Kapiti Coast Road Trip '08

I write this from atop of my silver rubbish bin - the one that matches the black one Rob has (if he still has it lol I dont think he does some how...hahahaha - ohhh remember that day two years ago or so when i presented to you the rubbish bin full of lush products towels, and cleaning products and other smellies and a calander and what ever else it was i put in there....I really did look after you well then didnt I??)



Anyway so Im back from my holiday and Kapiti I really should have started this blog back when i went down but i was just having way to much fun with my best friend Jade and Rhiley and stuff!! To even bother writing in my blog! I mean I had to stop the car in Taihape to write my postcards and send them off!!!! Because I didnt do them when i was in Kapiti!



So Thursday morning I finished packing, said goodbye to my mum who was off to the Mayor's Party, and said goodbye to Abby, Bullseye and Piper and last put not least but my hand upon Sid's grave....not knowing how I would get through the week let alone what i would be like once i got home with out him being there...



I spent about an hour in Lake Taupo soaking up the rays - and being flooded with memories of the times me and Rob have spent there.....the fun and mischief we got up to while at the Parental's holiday house down there....soooooo gorgous it is, I love Taupo always have and always will...from the moment we drove in I fell in love with it.



It took me about 7-8 hours to get there - Jade hasnt long put Rhi to bed when I got there - we were soooo excited to see each other since we havent seen each other since June 2007! But we were also scared and shy of each other for some reason - guess we just had to get use to be around each other again and not talking via the computer and texts...lol...but I ensure you once we thawed out you couldnt break us apart...! It was so cute when she brought Rhi out still asleep and left him on the couch and went to the door - to have him crawl into my arms - havent not seen me since he was 4 months old....and even then when i met him he was asleep! Lol



Our first full day together we didnt do much, we went to the mall had a look around let Rhi ride in a Bob character car thingy...got some cute photos to do a scrapbook page with then went back home...We spent the night scrapbooking the photos of Rhi on the bob ride on...the page is looking good even though its half finished - have full faith in your Jade to finish it off with out my help lol - team effort!! hahaha



The second day we went off to Lindale Farm and spent a couple of hours or so there - the two of us were dressed up in a summer dresses...Jade in white and me in black...(Im starting to take on Bex's simplicity of life in black and white lately....so much is pouring through into my themes and stuff for MEB) anyway had a big blast at the farm....took some AWESOME photos that I can not wait to scrap!



Sunday saw us at Chipmunks for Rhi's best friend's second birthday -though Im not fully impressed with them - honestly people serving RAW chicken nuggets is NOT cool!! Nah uh!! That is just completely and utterly wrong! I then went through to Poirua where I did a bit of window shopping and walked out with a Tee Shirt for Jade - she LOVES my black tee shirt with the rine stone cross on it - and wanted me to let her know if i found one similar...which I did but instead of telling her I brought it...hey it was actaully on sale too..! And given the chances of me going home and telling her and her saying I should have got it or wanting it it may not be there - so I got it while I could - she loves it...lol. We now have matching or well similar tops now - hers is white and mine is black (again with the simplisticity of life) I also brought a present for Justin...lol not saying what but Its funny lol...I will show a pic later...We finished the night off playing Singstar...



My last day there was monday we packed everything up took some last photos of us together...since we didnt get any the first time we met - hugged each other good bye....to follow but another hug at the gas station...lol...and it was off I went on my merry way...



I detoured through Feilding to see my cousin Martin and his new wife Nicole...I havent seen them since last year in September when i stayed with them for a week...when marty thought I needed to get out of the city after my m/c and stuff...and thought it might be an idea for me to move there and work in Palmerston North - how ever that didnt happen I started to get a bit depressed..so anyway caught up with him and had a look at their wedding photos...



It was off home after that - I made a stop in Taupo to get something to eat, and one in Huntly for more gas...and I was home...and Ive been pretty much bumming around since..


The complete load of photos I took!!


A video for you to watch hehehe - this farm is pretty awesome I must say!




Check out more of my videos from my trip on my YouTube Channel - most of them can be found after this video and there is a link to my channel on my side bar down there :p